Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You were trust falling into bushes
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
