girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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