Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
