dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
