ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
