I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
