OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
