i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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