Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Randomize
