So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
