Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize