Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
