Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
