ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
