Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
