I am puke
my phone needs a breathalizer
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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