I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
