Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
