somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize