I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Randomize
