I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
