Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Randomize
