it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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