she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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