it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
