just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
