I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
