You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He passed out mid-signature
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
