Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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