everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
