I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
