grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize