im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
