i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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