I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
