That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
