i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
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