i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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