She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Of course I have a pirate flag
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
