I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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