I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I have fence marks all over my body
i now understand why vodka
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
