There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
