She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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