would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
