i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Randomize
