Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
two words: eviction party
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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