before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
