This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
