I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
