I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
After last night, I could never be a politician.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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