i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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