Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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