"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
