DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
