I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
