Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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