No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
