I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
