The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
