I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
