The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
