After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
