She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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