sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
