Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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