soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
