I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
