who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
