When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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