oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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