one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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