if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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