Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
